I’m sorry this is gonna be a lot but I just need to get it all out. So i’ll just start with i’m a 17 year old male and i’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety for years now. I used to be into sports and stuff but got hurt and couldn’t play anymore due to a bad knee and i started abusing xanax end of my freshman year of highschool. It’s been a downward spiral from there. I started abusing any drug i could find and lost all my friends and pushed family away. I was in a few relationships in this time and eventually the summer of my sophomore year I found the girl of my dreams(Ik young love is a joke to most people) but she was perfect and helped me with my addiction i got sober after my parents caught me off a xan for awhile. I got on painkillers after that because of a old friend i started talking to again which shortly led to me trying to take my life when I couldn’t find them anymore. After that i remember my mom taking me to the er and then they let me go home for some reason and i ended up in a mental hospital shortly after cause my parents made me go. For the sake of keeping it shorter i’ll just skip through after that because i stayed sober for awhile other than smoking weed. Me and that same girl brokeup after things got really toxic after over a year of being with her and it’s been maybe 6 months. Things just haven’t been the same without her and since all of this stuff happened. I’ve been smoking constantly and other stuff and it feels like my body is deteriorating, I hate myself for putting my family through this and every day is just so miserable, I don’t enjoy doing anything, I don’t have any energy to get out of bed or go to work. I just feel so alone and hopeless. I can’t talk to anyone because I feel like a burden and I don’t know what to do anymore I truly don’t want to be alive anymore but I don’t want to hurt anyone else. I’m about to graduate but I don’t even care anymore i just want this to all go away. I’m glad i found this community tho it’s nice to see people be so supportive and have a place to express stuff that we can’t talk about normally.