I am an only child. My mom adopted me when she was 44 and my dad was 54. I'm 18 now, in my freshman year of college, and my mom is 63 and my dad is 73 (about to turn 74). I feel like it's always been in the back of my mind that I would have to live without them sooner than everyone else, but now it's starting to feel more real. And that scares the shit out of me.

I feel like I haven't gotten enough time with my parents-- some of my friends still have parents that haven't even turned 50 yet and I envy them. I want my parents to be able to see me become a full fledged adult, have grandchildren, even watch me graduate college, and it's making me feel incredibly depressed and scared that I may not have that chance. People have always thought my dad was my grandfather, and while he seems like he's in good health now, I've watched him go through his fair share of health scares over the years. I watched my grandmother go from being relatively active to a helpless, frail old woman in just a matter of years.

This makes it even harder knowing that I'm not even in the same state as them, living my life in my first year of college wanting that oh-so-typical feeling of getting away from your parents... But I know my time with them is more limited than everyone else's (obviously excluding anyone whose parent has an illness or anything of the sort). I can't help but feel bad about wanting my own freedom away from them and like I'm wasting my time when I should WANT to be with them as much as I can.

Selfishly, also, I don't want to have to go through losing them by myself. I don't even have any other siblings to relate to about this feeling, and when my parents do go, I will probably have to deal with it mostly alone. I don't have a lot of extended family (and the ones I do have live pretty far and have their own lives to attend to). I'm probably going to have to write a eulogy by myself and go through whatever it is you go through after you lose an immediate family member by myself...

How do I cope with this? I always forget about this feeling and push it to the back of my mind but they're coming to visit me this weekend at college and everything has just been brought back to the surface again. Comforting words and advice is always appreciated.