We met when I was 18 he was 25. I traveled to the next country to meet him. He sexually assaulted me and then he was angry at me and got up and left. I begged crying for him to stay as I didn't know where I was. He ended up staying eventually and told me he loved me the next day when I was leaving.

I realised after a few days what he'd actually done to me yet the next week I got a plane out to give him another chance. He didn't assault me again (we were in his house this time with room mates. This could be why he didn't do it again as he's very presentable around people.) We hit it off.

I moved country to be with him, my confidence was shattered by small things. (Staring at other girls, picking out a picture of a really good looking friend and asking about her specifically)

Anyway things changed rapidly. He done everything for me and still does, he is my best friend and we have been genuinely best friends for a long time. He became absolutely whipped and not in buying me things but actual effort. He picks me up from work every time, he makes me dinner, he does the house work, he spends a lot of time with me, he keeps his phone at the other side of the room when we sleep because I hated when he was always on his phone in bed. When I'm sad he'd always try cheer me up.

When things were hard for him I was so self centered about myself it made me so selfish. I forget about when he's struggling, i grumble when he asks me to cook, I get so angry when he isn't doing something for me.

I'm now 23 & recently got pregnant and we both don't want the baby and he has been saying hurtful stuff to me pointing at someone fat then a dog on the TV and he was saying the TV was trying to tell me something. Meaning I'm fat and ugly. He said I don't do anything in sex but lie a whimper and it's him that does all the work (I go on top often, he never communicates what he likes and what he wants me to do more of. He always just said he's satisfied.) He's been irritated by me crying and breaking down and I've been getting angry because I feel no love and we just don't seem to like eachother at all. He keeps just telling me to leave me alone and I was brought into this world to bring out the worst in people.

Idk what to do. I don't even think I love him. I don't think I ever loved him I just strongly feel like I need him.
Also I'm getting an abortion don't worry.