Last night my boyfriend confronted me, he wanted to know what was going on with me but I can’t tell him.

I quit my job months ago. It was one of the easiest, most impulsive decision I’ve ever made. The hours and culture was insane. Everyone congratulated me on getting out of there, but...

It was so easy because I’m broken. In the last two years everything has fallen apart for me. My family, my career, and my sense of self worth.

He’s the most incredible person I’ve ever met. He deserves so much more. I’ve been trying desperately to hold it together in front of him, but it’s becoming harder and harder to hide my cracks. I feel like I’m coming apart at the seems.

But I’m embarrassed. I don’t want him to see me like this. I don’t want to be like this. I want to be the girl he fell in love with. Fearless, charismatic, maybe a touch naive and empowered with blind confidence.

I can’t even bring myself to admit my behavior to my counselor - finishing bottles of wine every night. Not getting off the couch for days. Hiding the extent of my nicotine consumption.

Guys, I’m not okay. I’m not okay. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t want to be who I am right now.

But pretending is getting harder and harder