The only thing I want to do with my life is spend every second of every day talking to him and having sex with him. Everything about him turns me on like crazy. His voice, the way he treats me, what he has to say, his interesting opinions, his witty jokes, the way he words things, the way he knows everything, the way he can always convince me he knows better, the way he completely disarms me.

I can't help it, and I don't know how to explain it. I don't know why I can't just be content with the two of us just hanging out. He thinks my relationship with sex is problematic because I always turn our every outing, activity or conversation into something sexual. But it's just because being in his presence is building me up and teasing me and of course I eventually need that release. I don't understand why he isn't the same way.

He knows me like the back of his hand but I know that he hates what he knows so I try to act like he isn't right. I try to act like I'm totally just into us going grocery shopping or just watching a movie or whatever. But the truth is I'm not.

We were talking last night and I was trying to push the boundaries, as always. Part of the attraction is getting him to do things he wouldn't usually want to do. He always goes along except for last night when he said no, that's not something he would do. And then I instantly lost interest in being there with him. In reality, I'm as shallow as he thinks I am.

I don't want a future with him, I just want us to keep doing this until one of us (preferably me) gets sick of it. But he doesn't even love me, he's in love with another woman so why can't he accept that? It's not like I'd be breaking his heart. He's the one constantly breaking my heart by choosing her over me time after time and only coming back to me when she won't give him the time of the day. And I don't blame him for that myself because I can imagine she probably is so much cooler than I am, and has much more interesting things to say than I do.