I have good days when I feel so good I think to myself, “You can’t possibly be depressed if you can feel this good sometimes. It’s just sporadic sadness.”

Then I have the bad days when I just want to do...nothing. I have no desire nor energy to even make an effort, interact with others, even “fake it” with a clenched smile. I want to stay home in bed, turn my phone off, and have a good cry.

But I never think about suicide. I very much know I want to live, I want to experience so much. I’ve never truly been suicidal.

Like I’m in this void, and when I’m wading in the shallow of it and my feet can touch the bottom, those are the good days. But then when I’m kicking my legs like crazy to keep my head just above the water to breathe, those are the bad days. That’s how I think of it, anyway.

I know it’s ridiculous. Feelings are always valid. But yet I feel like mine aren’t.

See I spend most of my spare time scouring forums on here and talking to others, trying to help them, give them someone to just listen while they vent or cry or scream. Offer advice if asked. So I’ve heard...a lot of stories. So many deeply depressed and suicidal people hiding behind fake smiles. It worries me.

I’m always sympathetic, and empathetic if I can be. But then I just...feel bad. I never lie about my feelings or experiences, but I almost feel like because my depression isn’t *as* serious, that I have no right to be depressed at all, let alone empathy for others worse off, no matter how sincere. As if I have no right to try and relate or help because I’ve never wanted to kill myself. And then I feel guilt. Guilt for the people I talk to who are suffering, guilt for myself for invalidating my own feelings.

I don’t know how to kick this feeling. Idk where this post was going. Maybe I’m looking to see if others can relate. Either way I just needed to get that out.