So for those of you who live in the US, yesterday was Match day. It’s a day where medical students are told where we will be spending the next years for our residency. It’s a big day for everyone and the medical school has big party to celebrate and all that stuff. To decide where we are going, the students make a list ranking the programs they are the most interested in to the least. Well I got 7th out of 9th and I’m having a hard time coping. Medical school was hard for me, I destroyed my body, my mind and my soul. I feel like I’m leaving this experience a broken man and I regret the choices I’ve taken that have brought me here. I look in the mirror and see how much these last 4 years have aged me. I know that I should be happy that I matched at all (some students don’t and it’s one of the worst things that can happen) but I’m not.

All my life it feels like I’ve been barely getting by, always the bottom of the barrel kinda person and I just wanted for once to be able to say that I aimed for a goal and I reached it. I’m not some type-a personality where I always need 100s but I just wanted it to happen once, that’s it. Even the top 5 of my choices would’ve been enough. To be able to hug my family and say “we did it!” Instead I’m locked in my apartment trying my best to avoid Instagram and all my friends celebrating their victories. My family knows I’m upset and are trying to cheer me up with the whole “god works in mysterious ways” talk but I’m not religious like them and can’t stand to answer the phone. I’m left simply feeling inadequate like I have for most of my life. The worst part is I’m going to have to go into work on Monday, to the place that was my top choice and try my best to hide my pain knowing they are going to ask about where I matched.