There isn't much more to it and these feelings are totally new. I have someone i see for major depression and ptsd coping but id never feel comfortable talking about this with her.

I use the term incel lightly because its just what I always get called despite not believing in 70% of it. I know my failures are all my own and don't blame "society" for it. I don't like women in my league and for the life of me I cant seem to self improve despite all I try. **Everything is my fault and i blame no one but myself**

But id feel like I had the power for once if i just took a brick to a guy's fucking head while he is out on a date with a girl that's way above him. Or if it was someone i know that i just felt like was way too good at it. Either way i'm wanting to convert all the jealousy ive felt for 10+ years into a few moments of joy and control.

I wouldn't want to kill him, but hugely injure sounds pretty swell if i could get away with it. Which i never could because im incompetent and thus will never give into these urges.