Tl;Dr: I feel as if I was created just to be used by everyone and everything. I have no true identity and nothing to connect myself to. I’ve been manipulated my whole life and I’d like to turn the console off. :)

Part 1. Sexual Identity?!
Tl;Dr: Sexually abused as a child, still confused at 24.

I think it all began with my older step brother. When we were young he would visit a few times a year. He’d have me lay in his lap while he weaved whimsical tales about ninjas and magic, conjuring stories about how some day something would come and take us somewhere wonderful. I never felt more comfortable and safe than in those moments with him.

During one of these sessions things took a turn. He talked me into performing oral. Because it was him, I figured it was a totally normal thing. This lead to me believing that I was totally gay and supposed to be ok with these things. I was exploited by various people throughout childhood. As a teenager I grew even more confused because I began developing feelings for girls, but they weren’t as intense.

Growing up in an extremely religious household I repressed all of this until I was around 20

Part Dos. ¿Quién soy?
Tl;Dr: I don’t have a true identity.

A few things come into play here. What do you get when you combine having an emotionally abusive/manipulating mother giving you the golden child treatment while being a decently intelligent black kid in a hick town? In this instance, a personality that’s simply meant for survival. I’m a chronic pleaser. I can sweet talk with the best of them, and if you hate kiss assess I’d register that and refine conversation until you were happy with me. I can fit in with just about anyone, but rarely did I find someone I naturally clicked with. Of course the issue is me. As I’m sure you’d expect, this personality flaw is honey for narcissists. But I’ve always been popular, so that’s a plus. Just very dead inside, haha.

I don’t too much care to continue. This honestly wasn’t as cathartic as I thought it would be. This is all so pointless.