I wet the bed this morning, right beside my boyfriend of 2 years. He's a saint who adores me no matter what, but of course I was still mortified! I had a horrid 12-hour shift the day before - so naturally I stuffed my face with Chinese, savored a glass of wine and fell asleep within the hour. Oh, and I took my Effexor too late.

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Effexor is an amazing drug that allows me to do my job without having a breakdown every few hours. It allows me to wake up with the sun and keeps me from hiding under one thousand blankets of sadness for days at a time. It helps me have more productive therapy sessions, keeps me sane enough to have health relationships. I literally cannot function like a normal human being without it.

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But it also gives me "brain shivers." If I miss a dose, I'm disoriented for the day. The room spins, my vision shakes, my head pounds... and I guess now, I wet the bed for no reason. I was mortified and sobbed all the way through my shower. I couldn't coordinate my movements enough to shave properly. Sometimes I don't even need to miss doses to feel this way.

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It takes away my ability to orgasm. These days, I average about one orgasm a month, despite the fact that we fuck like rabbits. Sometimes I need anti-nausea meds to get through my day. I've needed abdominal scans to make sure I'm not becoming too constipated, but if I take my laxatives "as scheduled" I end up with cramping diarrhea - so which is better?

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I hate you, Effexor. I hate that you're the one antidepressant that doesn't give me anaphylactic shock, and that you're actually the one drug with the LEAST amount of side effects for me. I'm exhausted. I feel like I'm 80 years old. Thanks for at least doing what you're supposed to do, I guess.