First off, I’m disabled and bedridden, so it’s really hard to get to the bathroom. Often, I need my boyfriend’s help to get there. He’s actually had to come home from work before to take me. I can only walk about ten feet unassisted without collapsing, and I can’t even always do that. Sometimes, my body just *can’t*. As a result, I’ve gotten really, really good at holding my pee. But apparently, not good enough.

I sleep a ton. I sleep anywhere from 12-16 hours a day. Well, you can’t really go that long without peeing. Sometimes, my bladder just sort of *leaks*. I’m so exhausted that I don’t always wake up to pee. So I’ll wake up, still really having to go, and notice that I’m wet. I think my bladder just gets so full that it starts leaking.

The most humiliating part is that my boyfriend has to help clean me up and change the sheets. But, that’s not the worst part.

The worst part is realizing that I’m so disabled and sick, and my body is so broken, that I don’t wake up to pee.

A bedside commode would help me a lot. I could just sit up, pivot, and be able to go. But you can only use them once before dumping it. And if I need to use it, then I can’t dump it. I don’t want my boyfriend to have to dump my pee. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal. I do.

But that won’t help me overnight. Thus, I’m considering diapers. I’m so depressed from realizing how broken I am.

I’ve hit an all-time low.