Escaped his abusive father only to end back up with my abusive parents with my two kids and having no where to go. If I had left my ex then and gotten an abortion I wouldn’t have two kids suffering in this horrible situation.

Some people are so mentally disordered that rational thinking and personal responsibility are not possible for them. Having an abuser explain why their abuse makes sense and is morally and religiously supported is the most maddening thing. I feel completely trapped and unable to better my situation for me and my two kids. They deserve so much better than this. They didn’t ask to be here. I’m in such a precarious situation that things will become so exponentially worse if I make one wrong move, so I try to keep the peace until a spot at the shelter opens up and we can get away from my parents. But the kids have been so sick and I keep missing work, I’m barely scraping by. This is no life for them. When I was pregnant with my firstborn son, I had a counselor advise aborting when I told her about my abusive relationship with my baby’s father. I was trying to be a good Christian at the time and it was unthinkable to do such a thing... now, as much as I adore and treasure my kids, I’ve unwittingly brought them into a life of distress and fear and misery because of my failure to see the red flags.

Now that I know better I’m trying to do better. I can’t change the past and I’m trying so hard to make a better life for us, but this impossibly balanced house of cards isn’t a stable life for them. They deserve so much better than where my poor choices have brought us.

I know I’ll find a way to get us to a more stable living situation. But I just feel so crushed and so beat down and so hopeless right now I’m feeling the shame and the regret in full force.