I've wondered if I could be on the spectrum for the past 5 years. This year, I read things that convinced me of it. A psychiatrist confirmed it last week.

In retrospect, the autism should have been very obvious to my family, but my parents had no idea. I flapped my hands as a kid and my mom called it "the weird thing", so I stopped doing it in front of people. I tried to stop doing it at all, but I couldn't. I hid it from others for almost 20 years. There were many other signs that pointed to autism...this is just one of many. I also went through some pretty serious trauma as a child (I was sexually assaulted in the same year that I lost two of my grandparents), and I did not get consistent counseling for things that I struggled with. Mental illness (and probably autism) runs in the family, too, and my dad was institutionalized for a while when he was 35. There was no excuse to not get me help, especially since they knew of the genetic risk for mental illness and they did nothing of a preventative nature.

My parents use the excuse that I was a straight-A student and I had some friends and was able to joke and laugh with them as an excuse for not getting me help.

I feel so sad and angry with them. They never heard me or got to know who I really am.