I used to think "What does depression feel like? How do you even feel empty?? Empty is what I call a box with nothing in it" but now I think "What does not being depressed feel like? How do you even stop feeling empty??"
Posted Oct 27, 2019 04:34 by anonymous
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I know talking about "edgy stuff" like this is laughed about on the internet, but I'm 100% am not trying to act edgy. I just want to vent.
My mental health has been awful the past 4 years which is a quarter of how long I've been alive for. I don't even remember the last time I felt genuinely happy without a hint of sadness outside of the internet. I feel absolutely awful. I'm always tired, low in energy, sad, stressed out, on the brink of having mental breakdowns, having anxiety from just the thought of stepping foot out the house, and having trouble being a normal person.
I don't have a job, I'm not focusing on trying to get my driver's license like everyone is, I haven't been going to school for the past year, some family members are abusive, and they don't care one bit about my emotional state.
I don't even know what I should do or if I'll even be able to fix anything because of my social anxiety and depression preventing me from wanting to. Every solution I know has to do with me stepping out the house. And my depression says maybe things are better off just staying in this state of sadness.
If dying was as easy and painless as pressing a button, I would've pressed it a decade ago. If only it was like that. I have a right to live, but seems like I don't have a right to end a life I never chose. I'm so sick of myself and everyone else.
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Commented Dec 9, 2020 21:11 by anonymous
I have experience with depression, myself.
The minimum you should do is talk to a doctor, and get into a support group.
To get the energy to do that, you may call a help line, or you can contact the counselor at your school (I assume he/she is available, even with Covid-19 going on).
Ideally, you should also get a psychiatrist, but that can be difficult in some parts of the World.
A last piece of advice: You're very young, with no experience of how life can change, and no experience with working through painful and hard times. It sounds weird, but pain is actually an illusion, and always temporary. It sounds unlikely, but you'll work through this, and things will get better. I know that these are "corny" things that adults keep saying, and that mean very little to a teenager. They're actually true, though. Believe it!