I know talking about "edgy stuff" like this is laughed about on the internet, but I'm 100% am not trying to act edgy. I just want to vent.

My mental health has been awful the past 4 years which is a quarter of how long I've been alive for. I don't even remember the last time I felt genuinely happy without a hint of sadness outside of the internet. I feel absolutely awful. I'm always tired, low in energy, sad, stressed out, on the brink of having mental breakdowns, having anxiety from just the thought of stepping foot out the house, and having trouble being a normal person.

I don't have a job, I'm not focusing on trying to get my driver's license like everyone is, I haven't been going to school for the past year, some family members are abusive, and they don't care one bit about my emotional state.

I don't even know what I should do or if I'll even be able to fix anything because of my social anxiety and depression preventing me from wanting to. Every solution I know has to do with me stepping out the house. And my depression says maybe things are better off just staying in this state of sadness.

If dying was as easy and painless as pressing a button, I would've pressed it a decade ago. If only it was like that. I have a right to live, but seems like I don't have a right to end a life I never chose. I'm so sick of myself and everyone else.