I a 23 years old man. Over the years ive had my share of bad things happening to me. Some of them were too big for me at that time to handle, so i developed a special place in my head where i cant be hurted. Like a second personality. In this special place, i dont feel sadness, disappointment , or at least, i feel them a lot less. What i do is i turn every negative emotion into anger, and then i think of how i can solve my problems, and turn that anger into motivation.

That worked for me when all the problems in my life had solutions. But it doesnt work when it comes to disappointment from people, because there is nothing i can do to control the actions of other people. So what i end up with is constant anger towards people who betray me. Anger that builds up over the years. So my solution for this was to cut all my ties with people who betray me, in order for that anger to settle down. But that comes with its problems as well. What if someone betrays me and they we have mutual friends? Im still going to see them, so im forced to cut ties with our mutual friends as well. Or at least, inform them that im pissed at that person and all 3 of us cant spend time together.

When strangers betray me it doesnt trigger that side of me. I can handle it. Its when close people do it, that i go mad. Im scared that one day someone will piss me off so hard ill explode and hurt them.

When people criticize what i do, they ask me "if you cut ties with people that often, you will end up alone" to which i say "better than be friends with snakes. Ill keep cutting ties with snakes because that sends a message into the world. That message is dont betray \*insert my name\* because his friendship is a one time chance."

I would like to have the ability to get pissed for a few days, and then get over it when someone betrays me. But i cant. When someone does that i feel like im almost falling of a cliff, and then someone tries to push me. I feel like i have to fight back, to send a clear message that i dont tolerate snake behavior.

Most people are capable of going from one emotion to another in an instant. But i cant. If something good happens to me, im happy for a long time, but the reverse is also true.

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How can i become normal? Do you have any advice? Or books i can read?