--I do not condone suicide, self harm or any other form of violence towards the self or others--

Hey, so. To preface this, me and my friend only know eachother online and I don't know any details about her so I can't phone the police or anyone. We've already spoken about alot of serious issues, namely her talking to me about her mental health and gender identity issues. I think I've sort of become her go to for venting or getting stuff off her chest as I always give the best support and advice I can and we talk near daily about her problems.

I've also got some issues with depression and the like, though I don't believe it's as bad as her's. Last time we spoke about me and my issues, because I was trying to avoid self harm, she stopped me part way because she'd had an argument with her father. She then went and talked to one of our other friends about it and pretty much forgot about me.

Cut to today. She messaged me and told me she was feeling like there was no out to her problems and she 'just wanted it all to stop'. She continued saying how she felt like suicide was the only escape and an easy backdoor. I kept telling her that suicide isn't an option, I loved and cared about her, and to see a counselor or other professional.

The whole way through this 15 minute conversation I was feeling very panicked and scared. It felt like I needed to give the perfect advise or she was going to die. This rather made me sound very forceful and almost angry so I could get us to a point where it wasn't life or death.

I realised I wasn't being very useful and told her I couldn't help her and I couldn't take the weight of knowing I could have stopped her. I told her I loved her, I'm sorry I couldn't help, to talk to another friend, and to see a counselor. In the end she agreed to try and see a professional.

Now I feel really bad and guilty. Because she may go through with it and do it, and then it's my fault for not being there for her. She was looking to me for support and I said no. I feel like I hurt our friendship and failed as a friend. And I'm still scared she's going to do something.

And I hate that my mind is trying to rationalise it as I was only looking out for my emotions like she did to me before with the salf harm thing. And this is obviously way different, and it's a very mean and cruel thing for me to do.

It's 2:45am and I just needed to get this off my chest and I could maybe sleep, so I can't message her right now (same time zone). Thank you for reading this.