My boyfriend and i have been through a lot, he really has treated me bad and even tho he hurt me i put up with it cos i loved him like he would...

Go out on a Friday night and turn his phone off and not come home till Monday i would have no idea where or what he was doing and and all he would say is he went on a drinking bender with mates and he was sorry

4 times he turned off his phone and actually left the country to go on a "boys holiday" without telling me, he came back a week or 2 weeks later with sorry wont happen again... But it did.

We have been together for 4 years but wont tell his parents about us, i dont even know who his friends are ive only ever met like 3 of them.

He wont answer my calls when he is with his friends bc they dont know he got a girlfriend... Did i say we been together for 4 yrs.

Also hes 38 and some dumb kid...

Theres so much more i could say about the things hes done to me but honestly u wouldnt believe me if i told u...

Anyway... 5 months ago i went on fb and went to send a message to someone but he was signed in (he always logs off) i noticed few messages from girls so i read them... Basically he messsged about 30 girls saying their hot, can i take u out, send me nudes/he sent dick pics.. I was so upset he said sorry he was stupid he loves me and closed down his fb account to prove he only wants me...

Thing is i used to love him more than anything and id fight to my death to keep us together but reading all them messages to other women killed me snd i think i finally give up on him/us... But when i tell him its over he dont listen he just says no he loves me and hes sorry. I really do feel that i love him and a part of me always will but not in that way im not in love with him i think we should be friends.

Thanks for reading sorry so long! And advive id be so greatfull for....