Throwaway for reasons

So I fucked up before I got married. Many months before, I ended up being hit on by an old flame tempting me to bed when I came to my senses and walked away it was too late..30 seconds to late I should have said no.

I have tried to fix things with my wife after this bitch of an old flame exaggerated everything and told my wife. 3 months into being married and she intentionally fucked up my relationship. I wanted to tell my wife, I didn't because I was a coward I should have. I admitted the truth to her, But this person had already poisoned her and twisted her mind.

I still keep trying to explain to my wife that I know I did wrong and it was not me thinking. That I understand my part in it but I had never made any other mistakes apart from this one. I am willing to work my arse off to make things better i would live in the dog house for years if I had to.

We are currently separated by a 6 hour time difference while we sort visas, this doesn't help!. What I would give to go and see her so she could see the honesty and genuineness in my eyes and heart that this was a mistake that I would make up for for the rest of my life. I would go and try and save my marriage but I cant afford the overly inflated prices during the holidays.

She took her rings off. It broke my heart. I leave mine on because I can't admit my faults to everyone else who knows me that I am a failure. Not quite yet. I also leave it on because I don't want any attention from anyone else. I don't want anyone to look at me. I don't want anything else in this life but her love and a future.

But i can't have it. She is gone. 3 months into a Marriage and I fuck it up because of a mistake before being married.

So now I have lost hope. I lost the one person in the world who completed me. I am an idiot. I ruined the best thing that happened to me and the one way I know to fix it by seeing her in person. I cant.

I thought I was a good person. Everything tells me I am not.

I wish I could disappear