For the last week I've just had no motivation whatsoever. It's not that I'm tired at all even though I usually am. All I've wanted to do is sit under the stars listening to music... This sounds super crappy and selfish of me, but I've just never had this sort of just dull, nothingness about me. I don't really know what I'm always sad about. We did have homecoming a couple of weeks ago, where I threw up and had to leave after talking to/having fun with a girl for the first time (yes, I grow up in the country (go to all-boys private school in the "city") and have *no* social media; it just seems blank), and I went to a ranch in Wyoming this summer where I had an awesome time at night just sitting along on a broken bridge, listening to music and watching the cold water for hours. It's just all I can do is sit and think... I'm sorry it sounds super selfish of me. I was top of my class last year, which I have God to thank for, but now I just can't. do. anything... I'm just so bored and done with everything even though I know I'm so blessed to have such great opportunities. Every day of school just runs together and nothing special ever feels like it's happening. We were undefeated in the JV football season, which was super fun then, but now it just feels like a blur of nothingness. Just stuff happened now it's done; that is that... Nothing is ever fun anymore and I really don't know why. All I can do is just stare at the work I have to do, processing it like it's my whole life before my eyes and then I just fall into the music. I'm just lost... is there anything that people have done to get out of this stupid mess???

I don't really have a great relationship with anybody else that I would talk to, being an extremely introverted and I guess normal person. I don't usually talk to my parents or brother about these kinds of things, never have and I can't get enough strength to talk to them now. All I really do is find a quiet room and just *think* alone. I just don't know what to do. I guess I'm just asking for advice... this just all really annoys me because I know how I *should* feel with all of the great people and opportunities around me, but I just feel empty.