[Light]

I can't tell my friends this story because I'd be teased MERCILESSLY.

I am a Dean's List scholar geek in college. I wear glasses.

Not fat, but like a "Freshman 15" belly on an otherwise normal 5'7 frame.

Today, I was alone in the house and forgot my towel after a shower. Great. Now I have to run all the way upstairs and across the hall soaking wet and cold!

I hear a thud at the back door. Must be my new PS4 game.

Being slightly lazy, I think, do I really want to run upstairs, get dressed, run all the way downstairs, get my game, then run back upstairs?

I decide, what is the harm? Just crack open the backdoor real quick, grab the game, and run back inside.

Very carefully, I opened the door. Suddenly, a bee is buzzing right in front of me, I freak out and try awkward nude ninja moves to desperately avoid it.

Suddenly I stumbled out the back door as it slams right on my naked butt.

The bee is now firmly inside my home. And I am now locked out of my own house...naked.

Fuck.

Oh fuck.

I'm fucking tensing up just thinking of it.

I am futilely pulling at the door handle. My round "bubble butt" that my friend Ashley always teases I'm "hiding" under my "nerdy khaki pants" jiggling like crazy behind me. My small penis (hey it's a throwaway!) flapping in the breeze.

And for the next 3 hours, I'm traipsing around my yard like a nerdy Adam in the Garden of Eden. Hiding my chubby belly and small package behind a small bush as my hot 45 year old female neighbor waters her flowers and I try to pretend I don't exist.

It's not until my mother gets home 3 hours later that I running bare-assed into the house while she nearly collapses laughing.

Will I ever live this down??