/rant

I really like this person I’m with, we have been dating for a while but lately I can’t help but compare myself and notice that he doesn’t really know and understand the culture I’m from, while he doesn’t have this issue with his female friend (they often tease each other). Hell in fact he seems very lively with her, they always manage to talk about things that we can’t. I did think that they would be better off as the couple, and not me and him. The moment I thought that, I couldn’t get it out of my mind anymore and it drives me insane. I could probably talk to him about it, but I think if I do, he will stop talking to that friend instead. Or at least he will be awkward with her and I don’t want that; she is one of the very few people he is comfortable with. Honestly I’m just sad, even though I know he likes me, and wants to spend time with me the most. But when we are together, I don’t know it just feels like we are “there” but not really connecting (from my side; he doesn’t seem to have that issue). I have been trying to cut off emotions in regards to him and tried not to talk too much to him as in messages (which got him wondering whether I was busy and if I’m okay). I like him a lot but all these insecurities seem to trap me and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m now just a big ball of sadness.

Tl;dr sad because don’t feel connected to the partner and don’t know how to deal with it, then thinking he would be better off with his female friend instead which makes me even sadder even though he has shown to wanting to spend time with me the most