tw// it's lolita, expect shit

now, most people that have watched it might think it's because of the pedophilia and that humbert is a terrible person and lolita deserved better etc.

well, for starters, i was groomed when i was younger so don't get me wrong.
but i feel bad for humbert. and lolita.
i think humbert actually loved her, and i know people will tell me "he tried manipulating the court and he's a pedophile trying to justify his actions", but i seriously think he didn't. he loves dolores, not the child. and lolita was the victim. and he recognizes that and regrets it deeply.

but that's not why i feel
empty. or terrible. mainly, i think.
i think it's because i also can relate to lolita? and i feel terrible because i like humbert. and i wish someone like that was in my life, execluding the hitting and SA(?), because he sounded in love. and i've had multiple of actual humberts in my life. unfortunately.
i just feel like it would be nice to have someone think of me the way he did about lolita, like "don't [touch me]! i will die if you do." or "in my arms she was always lolita". it feels so peaceful?
and after having gone through yet another humbert quite recently, i just feel dirty and broken and empty. nothing someone can savour. i'm just broken.
and i just wish one humbert wasn't like humbert at all.

that's all, sorry for bothering.