TL;DR I just want someone to talk to about my feelings. Her and I just talked that night and we got to engage in deep thought with eachother and emotional connection. I'm thinking she might've just thought it was a normal night, but it meant so much to me, one of the best nights in years. It's been days and I can't stop thinking about it.

Here are some of my feelings

I've always liked her, ever since we first met in highschool. We never got the chance to get close but I always wanted to, and she told me she always wanted to be close to me too.

Even if she doesn't want to date, I still want to be close to her, anything, I just like her so much. I just want to have a close relationship with her in some way. But obviously dating would be the best case scenario

I drove to her house (I was invited) and we spent all night just talking, I love talking, deep talking especially. And we had deep talks and I got to hear her thoughts and enjoy being around her, she's sweet and understands me, just being around her makes me happy, she has a comforting, calm, free, and loving presence and whenever we talk we really engage, she treats me like I really matter and actually gives me full attention and seems to really care and want me to be around.

I got to see her smile and laugh, which are both beautiful to me, and when she just looks at me in general I get to see her sparkly, beautiful eyes and it just makes me happy.

It was one of the best nights I've had in years. And I'm thinking she probably felt like it was a normal night for her. Hopefully she feels the same way I do, but I don't expect her to.

I don't expect anything. I'm not expecting her to feel about me the same way I feel about her. I don't go hang out with her expecting something romantic to happen, I just let the butterflies come and let whatever happens happens and just enjoy our time together, I'm not going to focus just on dating her, I genuinely just want to have her in my life.

I'm afraid that that night might've been a one-time occurrence. I feel like I got lucky that she invited me over.

This is all just a bittersweet feeling.