**Please read before commenting**

I'm currently 32 and very happily married.

I was born with a severe visual disability. My condition is very rare and incurable. It is also progressive, which means that it gets worse over time. Most people who suffer from this go completely blind in their early adulthood.

I've always been a very sexual and passionate person. Unfortunately for me, girls were never interested in me in that way. When I was a teenager I tried super hard to get a girlfriend or at least make some casual sexual experiences but nothing ever worked out. Girls always treated me kindly but they immediately friendzoned me. Realistically, I believe my disability was part of the reason for those rejections but of course I can't know for certain.

When I was 15, I finally managed to get my first girlfriend and I was genuinely in love with her. Our relationship was alright, though she was very cold towards me (both physically and emotionally). After a few months I asked her if she'd be up for something sexual but she told me she wasn't ready for that. I didn't want to be a jerk, so I accepted her rejection. Inside I was freaking out though because I was so horny all the time and really wanted to experience this. In the end we didn't do anything beyond me touching her boobs once and after a year she dumped me.

During the following years I continued to try and flirt with girls but no matter what I did, I always failed. If I came on strong, I usually made the girls feel uncomfortable and pushed them away but if I was very relaxed and unassuming, they completely ignored me. It was as though women didn't even view me as a sexual being and that really sucked.

When I was 22, I met my wife. She is the love of my life and as I mentioned above, we are very happily married. To this day, she is also the only woman I've ever had sex with.

I'm a very adventurous person by nature but after I met my wife, I was okay with my lack of sexual experiences for a long time. After all, I was super happy with her and I was thankful that I finally found one girl who was genuinely interested in me sexually. Since my late 20s I have begun feeling this urge to try new and different things though... and the urge has increased to a level where it's almost unbearable. All of my friends - both men and women - have made their fair share of experiences with different people and I can't help but envy them. I don't need to sleep with a thousand women but *a few* would be very, very awesome.

My wife knows about these strong feelings and she's totally cool with them. In fact, she actively encourages me to look for other girls to make experiences with. We opened up our marriage 2 years ago but since then, it was only her who's tried new stuff. Before this, I was also the only sex partner of her life. During the past 2 years, she's hooked up and had relationships with 4 other guys and is currently talking to a new one. Now, this may sound weird but I'm both totally cool and deeply troubled by that.

I'm cool in the sense that I feel no jealousy. I'm happy for her that she's havng a good time. I do feel troubled though because I feel so much envy. It makes me feel as though every single person in the world knows how to play this game except me. My friends, my wife... heck, even my divorced parents are dating around. I feel like I'm missing out. I really want to join this club but I'm terrified of getting rejected.

There are two reasons why I'm so scared. The first one is my disability. I went through an incredibly tough time during the past 5 years and lost almost all of my eyesight. I hit rock bottom and I'm now slowly starting to feel better again and learning how to cope. I'm definitely happier again than 2-3 years ago. That said, I'm worried that any girl I try to talk to on a dating app will immediately ghost me if she sees that I'm nearly blind. I'm scared this is a huge turn-off for women. I mean, I'm a fairly independent person but it's also true that I need help with a few things (or some things might have to be handled in a different way than sighted people are used to).

The other thing I'm worried about is my weight. I used to be a very skinny dude but during the past 5 years, I've gained a ton of weight. Mostly stress/depression eating because I was going blind. My weight is now stable but it's definitely higher than it should be. At 6'1'' and about 230 lbs, I'm not morbidly obese or anything but I'm certainly overweight.

While I do want to lose my excess weight, doing so is very difficult because my disability prohibits me from most forms of workouts. For example I'm not allowed to do anything related to strength such as weightlifting because I suffer from chronic glaucoma. One of very few things I'm allowed to do is cycling on a home bike but I don't know how effective that would be. Also, even if I manage to lose my weight, it's probably going to take 2-3 years. I mean, you can't lose 50lbs in a week. However, I can't wait 2-3 years anymore to make my life experiences in the sex department. I'm already 32 and I feel like I've waited more than enough (most people get to experience this stuff in college).

My wife tells me to just go for it. She's even offered to help me create a profile on a dating app. And I desperately want to say yes... but these insecurities about my eyes and my weight really hold me back.

The thing is, I actually feel super confident about my personality. I know I'm a smart, funny, open-minded, kind-hearted and very respectful guy. I also have a ton of love inside of me and it would be wonderful to give some of that to another woman, sexually and perhaps also romantically. Knowing myself, I know that if a nice girl was to give me a chance, I would make for a mature, caring and fun partner (even if it's just a FWB thing).

But I also know that women have super high standards and things like being overweight are a huge problem I assume. *Especially* if the relationship is more focused on the sexual aspect.

I'm prepared to get rejected but I'm scared that literally every single woman will dismiss me out of hand. If this happened, it would probably make me feel even worse than I feel now because I'd feel as though something is fundamentally wrong with me... like I'm some kind of monster that nobody wants.

I really hope there are some tolerant and easy-going women out there who don't just judge a book by its cover. I understand that being blind and sorta fat are two huge flaws but I'm also so much more than those things.

Anyway, sorry for the long post. It feels good to get this off my chest. Have a wonderful evening everyone.