I have depression but I don’t think anyone understands how bad it is.
Throughout my entire life (F24), I’ve felt increasingly more and more lost in “life”.
I’m CONSTANTLY searching for something that will make me feel worthy, I’m always doing small unseen good deeds like picking up trash while I walk my dogs, donate etc. I’m always looking for new classes I can take from home to earn more certificates in hobbies I enjoy.
I’ve recently became a certified personal trainer but am afraid to do anything with it because I feel like I would fuck it up. I worked at two ambulance stations at once but failed my emt exam and refused to retake it because I thought that meant it wasn’t for me, even tho I thoroughly enjoyed my job.
The only two members in my family that I was close to have tragically died in these past couple years which leaves me with my husband who loves me so much that he abandoned me for 9 months and purposely treated me bad to “try and make me leave him” but says he loves me now and that that was just a hard time for him in our relationship. It WAS a hard time for our relationship and I understand his logic in a way I guess but this doesn’t stop the feeling of “even my husband doesn’t want me” from visiting me at times.
Everything about my life makes me feel more insecure than the last.
An amazing doctor recently diagnosed me with depression and PMDD and gave me zoloft which helps a lot but sometimes it’s not enough and I go back to feeling like a useless enigma and a world that means nothing.
Posted Jan 12, 2022 22:24 by anonymous
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