I hate that observing people around me made me become a pessimist. I had such optimism about humanity up to a young teen. I never understood the cliché of "it's a cruel world", I saw so many nice people and a beautiful planet.

I feel like the internet is what kicked this off for me. If I didn't have to see hundreds, probably thousands of hateful/bigoted/even just mean statements thrown at absolutely anyone in my formative years I may not think this way.

Now I can interact with people and find them nice but then they'll say something rude and that illusion is shattered. I think about what they must say about others when I'm not there. Or what they think about me etc

I was called naïve as a kid and teen, I only had good things to say about everyone. I get so upset that this core part of my personality was tainted because I can't trust people.

The thing is I don't even want to, I'd rather not get my hopes up and be pleasantly surprised.

I just wish it wasn't this way. I miss seeing society as majority good. But maybe that was just a fake reality in my childlike mind that I can never go back to. But I kind of mourn that part of me because that's who I was known as, and without that optimism and trust it's hard to feel like my whole self.