I was EXTREMELY influenceable when younger. Still today it's hard to say NO sometimes, and to argue for my own opinion. But I am not saying that to redeem myself, that's just context

1- Shoplifting (when I was 16 and when I was 19) I didn't like to brag about the stuff, neither use, it ended up all stored or in the trash can. Influenced by my dumb ass mind, "friends" and tumblr.

2- Faked being pickpocketed when I spend all the money

4- Stole small amounts of money (some coins ) and random stuff such as post its, clips, etc

5- Threw limon sized stone on a moving bus' after a protest (not in the windows) along with "friends"

6- Basically didn't care too much about people's feelings

7- Had an non conventional abusive relationship (he wasn't jealous of me or possessive or shit) when the guy used to say terrible shit of my parents and that I had to sue them for them not being limitless parents like his). I couldn't stay true to my mom (after her locking me up at home to protect me to run into him) and met him and had saex about 3 times after all this shit happened. Had no friends at the time. I literally let someone say horrible things about my parents, and that makes me want to kill myself. I really can't understand that happened. All I know, is I didn't agree with him, even though I didn't tell him to fuck off.

8- Kissed a boy who had a gf in mid teens and made fun of his gf

9- Used to create a "fake life history" online talking to people I didn't know and didn't want to actually know/be friends. It was just to see what they would say/not expose my actual reality. I used to say my mom as a lesbian (absolutely no problemas about it, happy pride month btw), that my dad abused me, that I had an abortion once, that I worked as X or Y. Mom saw those chats and never believed me, she thought I actually wanted to roast my life and damily.

Sometimes I think that only animal abusers/murderers are worse than me. I hate myself. I don't do it anymore. Sometimes I think I am a sociopath but I don't want to be one ! I want to be the person who makes people happy. I can see good in me, though. I love my friends and family. My friends always say good things about me such as being a good listener, being by their side in bad moments. I love giving out information to people on the street. I help my mom take care of my elderly grandma. I don't do it merely because I have done bad things, but because I LOVE it and I feel like I have to. The guilt is overwhelming. All this shit happened when I was 14 to 19 years old. I'm thinking like this now: Doing as much of good as I can, so maybe one day, the number of good things will outnumber the bad ones. Nothing will be erased, but I want to be my best.

I'm sorry and pray everyday that all people I've hurt find a lot of good stuff on their lives. I'm thinking about putting random money in my friends and colleagues's stuff. And to donate directly/ talk and listen to the homeless.

I want to love myself as much as I love the good in this world.