I'm starting the drive back down to my college in about three hours and I wanted to talk about this because I can't really talk about it to my friends or family, and I don't want to worry my boyfriend this early in the morning.

My friends keep talking about how excited they are to be going back and living together again but just thinking about going back makes me feel nauseous. My parents are so proud of me for even making it into a college considering my high school GPA and they remind me of it all the time. It's like a punch to the gut. I don't know how they could be proud of me when I don't even want to be there! I never did to begin with.

I already failed two classes so I'm still technically a freshman and I can feel myself spiraling thinking about having to go back and having to take more classes. I was never good at school really but I never had to study for tests and I skirted by doing the bare minimum, now I have a homework pile that drowns me and I feel like I can't keep afloat. I can't even complain about being bored to my own parents without hearing "if you're bored that means that you need to study more" but I don't even know how to study in the first place.

I can't drop out because I won't have anywhere to live and I've been trying to find a job to maybe rent an apartment, but no where will even call me back because I have no job experience.

I don't know what to do. I feel pathetic and I probably am. Thanks for reading this far if you have. Sorry for typos or bad grammar, it's about 2am and I haven't really slept.