I have a 9 month old who’s father was an emotionally abusive pos who thought he could control me because he paid for everything.
I filed a restraining order against him to protect my son and I because he got drunk and rode off on his motorcycle to buy more booze.
After those 2 weeks I was MISERABLE and alone. I have no family besides my mom who has physically and mentally abused me my entire life. She’s good with my son but still disrespects me and talks down to me in my own home
I’m never there to take care of my infant I let my mom do it and I run errands and do what I want to do while she watches him.
She throws it in my face “I’m the one that watches your kid you need to be a mom” but I hate it
I’ve been free my whole life.
Anyways after the restraining order was dropped I broke down to my child’s father and told him I can’t take care of him. I don’t have the money or support. He promised he would watch him and be there for him
I dropped him off and haven’t seen my kid in a month. I went to go visit him once and my kids dad wouldn’t even let me hold him when I saw him. He was like “nope you’re too unstable”
Turns out he wouldn’t let me because in the state of California whoever arms the child is in. Keeps the child.
After awhile we had mediation and I wanted to give him full custody and give up my rights. I told him before I wanted him to be adopted by a nice family. He wouldn’t hear it or even consider it so that was out of the question. I wanted a once a week visit and that day I missed my son so much I cried and hung out with him all day and he fell asleep on my chest for bed time.
I brought him back the next day to his dad and asked him who was watching him. He smirked and said “I am” turns out that was a lie and had my mom watch him. She’s been raising him primarily for a month now not him. He goes out and parties and will only spend a day out of the week with him. I have no idea why he’s requesting sole physical and legal custody. I just want our son adopted, so bad. An open adoption where we can visit him. I told my mom to leave because she was starting drama. And I wanted to see how I did by myself with him for the day.
I am going insane, this 9 month old makes me want to do hard drugs.I just despise being a mom. I’m all alone and have no good support system. I don’t know what to do. I’d give custody over to the dad but he’s not even doing what he should be as a father. He wants all full custody but isn’t even there to take care of him. He exploits my mom and she spends 600 a month just on transportation to go babysit him.
I have no idea what to do I love my kid but I also don’t and wish I was not a mom. I don’t feel like one. What do I do