I'm going through such a slump again. I graduated from college about three months ago and I'm having such a hard time finding a job in my field. The more I look at my resume, the more I realize I haven't done much, and I'm just so disappointed in myself. I remember telling people that I was gonna be so involved in college, and for the first two years there I just sunk further into myself and went straight home from school.

Then when I was nearly 20, I started to live life again. It's horrible to say this but when my grandmother passed away, I felt like I could breath again. Since I was 14, I had to take care of her, and her dementia just kept getting worse and worse. Her hallucinations kept everyone up at night, she'd fight for every little thing with my mother, she constantly threatened and attempted to kill herself or us, etc. In that span of six years all I did was walk on eggshells. It ramped up my anxiety to the point that I had constant panic attacks and had to skip school alot because I was so fatigued.

I was so angry during that time. I still am. I can't help but think that the years I had to get so much experience in terms of work, or just the years I had to be a regular teenager, I had to grow up and pretend to be an adult. At least emotionally. I know it's in the past, and I have to just deal with it and go on. But I'm still hurting and healing; I never thought it'd take this long to move on and get my life together.