I'm 22. Just found out back in late February that i'm adopted. At the time there was a funeral for my aunt who just passed away from breast cancer that had spread through out her body. I had a lot of family that came into town for the funeral and a cousin of mine spilled the beans this one night we went hung out. Turns out my cousins thought i knew the truth already.

I'm an only child or so i thought. I always thought that my adoptive mom couldn't have any more kids after having me so that's why i never had any brothers and sisters but the truth is that my adoptive mother couldn't have any kids even after trying in-vitro.

Long story short; my biological dad is my adoptive dad's older brother. (Uncle/Dad) It's a really big shock finding out i have 10 other siblings, 6 sisters and 5 brothers with me being the 3rd youngest. I've met them all before once though a long time ago when i was a kid but i just thought they were my cousins. I was 3 days old when i was given away to my adoptive mother. They live all the way across the country in north carolina and me in california. At the time, my biological parents had too many kids and were struggling to make ends while managing a chicken and cow farm. My bio-mother was pregnant with me and she was already planning to take me to the doctor to just abort/kill me. But then my grandfather found out and told them to have me and then give me to my adopted parents since they don't have any kids.

I hated growing up as an only child. I was bullied through out my school years from elementary to high school. Never had a brother or sister; younger or older i could talk and confide in. Never had much luck with the ladies. Was rejected when i asked girls to prom and winter formal. My friends i hung out with were 2 faces and were never really there for me as a real friend when i got bullied. My cousins who i grew up with always ganged up on me when we fought as kids. Now that we're older now, my cousins call their brothers and sisters and not me whenever there's a family function happening despite them always calling me a brother. Truth is, they don't give a shit about me except their immediate family. Every one of my cousins i grew up with knew that i was adopted but chose to never told me.

My cousin told my adopted mother that i found out the truth which i see as another betrayal. I never got the chance to talk to them on my own terms. My a-mother and father sees nothing wrong with lying to me my WHOLE LIFE and expect me to just be "grateful." Everything my a-mother says either comes down to "money" that she provided as she raised me and that i have no right to be angry or that i should just get out if i'm so upset and go live with my "real biological family and see if they will love me since my real mother was just going to kill me. My a-parents aren't being cooperative in showing me my adoption papers and records.

I went to my local court and they denied me access to my papers. So i plan to get a lawyer and petition a judge to grant me access to my case. California is one of those "closed" adoption states.. which is outrageous that they wont let me access my own file! My a-mother is driving me crazy, all because i just want to know myself. I get absolutely no validation from anybody in my family. The secrecy; the lies, the betrayals, the anger, the trauma, it's overwhelming at times. I feel so angry at my entire family, i feel alone, i feel betrayed, i feel hurt and there's no one in my family circle who gives a shit.

I'm a stranger to my biological brothers and sisters and they are far away. I doubt they care about me since they also helped keep the secret from me. I'm a stranger to my biological parents who i talked to recently and don't want to tell me my "truth" to my birth and adoption. Not 1 person in my family thought that i deserved to know the truth.. not 1. Even if they did, their actions spoke louder than their words.



If anyone has a similar story, wants to give me advice or add their own chime to this, please share. This is therapeutic and a learning process for everyone