I feel horrible about this. Some people I go to college with went out of their way to make a fun event at a holiday party and I failed to do my part. I had signed up to give and receive a gift in a Secret-Santa and I have done neither. I only remembered about the party several hours after it ended, I was just sitting on the couch watching a housemate play Kingdom Hearts. I asked for a gift specific to this hobby I have, so they wouldn't have given the guy with nothing the gift intended for the guy who got him nothing. The whole event would have been better if I hadn't signed up for it.

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I'm imagining this horrible moment earlier in the night when someone first realized I wasn't going to make it to the party, and that there would be a hole in the Secret-Santa. I wasn't there, and had no idea I was having a negative impact in several people's evenings while I laid around the house. I don't know if they called my name out, or if the people running the Secret-Santa did some polite shuffling on my behalf to avoid that awkward moment. They were passing out these custom holiday sweaters that everyone had ordered (and took a group photo in), but I haven't even paid for mine yet.

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I suck, and I want to suck less. Tomorrow I'm going to buy the guy a small bottle of alcohol, write a sticky note apology on it, and drop it off in his mailbox. I probably won't want to wear the sweater, and I really don't feel worthy of the gift that someone bought me. This isn't a large issues compared to what can go wrong in life, but I feel sad about this small terrible thing that I did. I was inconsiderate on a level worse than the grinch, because it seemed like the grinch had motivations and i just dropped the ball on this without noticing. but not even the good grinch movies i liked as a kid, that new animated grinch which i haven't seen but am assuming is bad based on the imdb score.