I have been dealt a number of setbacks recently. I'm looking to change jobs, and I had a few possibilities lined up. One was for a large company in the software space, and after months of back and forth, I finally had my second phone interview, but I was told quickly that my management experience wasn't strong enough, and that ended my candidacy right away. What was probably worse, though, was that a recruiter got in touch with me about a job that does assessments for employers. As part of their recruitment process, you need to take their 2-part assessment test. One is behavioral and the other is cognitive. The behavioral part is untimed, and it categorizes you into a personality type - they use this to make sure you test as a good fit for the role you're applying for. Apparently I passed the behavioral assessment quite well.

The cognitive test is entirely different. Out of 50 questions, you have to do as many as possible in 12 minutes. They fall into different types, but they are primarily math-based, word-math based, spacial cognition, and one or two other types. I've done a test like this perhaps once or twice before in my life, many years ago. I did the test the first time, and a few hours later, I was sent the link again and asked to try it another time. I did it again, feeling that I'd completed more problems than I had the first time.

The test is not easy; it has a lot of math, and you can't use a calculator to do the test. A number of the problems involve percentages, which is a particularly tricky area for me. I also felt under extreme pressure to do well on the test (of course) but wasn't aware that this was a make or break - I found out later that unless you hit a certain threshold in your results, it completely stops the application process. This was on a Friday.

Anyway, I did it the second time, and on Monday I got a call back from this recruiter who told me that I'd not done well enough on the cognitive portion of the test to actually be considered for the role. The feeling was devastating. I manage a group of people at my current job, and I have a small business on the side, all the work I do is creative-based - I understand, to a certain extent, the desire to test people, but shouldn't that be used together with an assessment of the person's actual credentials, cultural fit, and demonstrated work? The whole thing was so humiliating, particularly considering the fact that I was contacted by the recruiter, not the other way around. I mean, it's as if I called someone into my house to insult me. At least, that's how it feels.

Ever since then, I've spent the past week researching if other people have experienced this (that they're somewhat successful in what they do, but have failed these tests, or if they have been buried in guilt over failing them) and I found a bit of help, but not much. I just don't know what I'm supposed to take away from this experience. Am I secretly stupid and don't know it? Should I study in order to hone my skills at taking such a test in the future? Should I have prepped before taking this test in the first place? Why has hit me so much emotionally, and why do I feel like such a failure? How can I get myself back to some semblance of self respect after what feels like a huge humiliation?