This is too much. I can't make it stop. Drugs aren't an option either. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I've never been this depressed and distressed this long.

Fuck this shit. I love you, R.

My feelings for you are deeper. Stronger. Real.

I could survive it if I fail with him. I expect to. I wouldn't survive if you and I tried and failed. And your track record is horrifying. Every time was harder than the last. And if it doesn't work out with him, then I never have to doubt because I saw one through to the end. And honestly, if comparing, this one will be the fastest to fail if it's going to. Then at least one half-started romance will be resolved and I going have to wonder. Leave less room for "what if"..

I'm so sorry.

I'll never stop being sorry. I'll never stop wanting you.