I gave birth 9 days ago.
Even though my husband and I have previously told the nurses that we would use formula from the beginning, the minute it was time for the first feed I was asked:

''Don't you want to think this through? Breastfeeding is amazing.''

When I told my mom and my mother in law that I wouldn't breastfeed, their response was:

''Is it a medical condition? Why can't you?''

I can. I just don't want to.

When I told my friends, my best friend supported me while my other friends tried changing my mind through judgement:

''Isn't that a little selfish? It was hard for me too, but here I am a year later and it's blissful.''


Everyone assumes that I *can't* breastfeed, not that I *don't want to* breastfeed. I've heard it all, from breast is best to the incredible bond it creates between a mother and her child, and I don't care. The idea of it isn't appealing to me, not because I have a history of sexual abuse (which I don't, but a friend of mine sent me an article on how sexual abuse survivors can hate the idea of it because she assumed that must be why I don't want to breastfeed) or because I have hypersensitive nipples (another friend, another article, another false assumption).

I hate the idea of my life becoming a never ending cycle of boob-baby-boob. I don't want to go through the painful process that most moms go through. I don't want to be the only one in charge of the baby. I don't want to have to be on a strict schedule because of breastfeeding and having to plan my life around it. I don't want saggy boobs. I hate the idea of a baby, my own baby, spending hours latched on to me. I want to sleep through the night because my husband can do night feeds.


Is it selfish? According to most people, yes. The amount of judgement I have received is ridiculous.

So, I might be a selfish mama, but I'm also a happy, rested and comfortable mama. And my baby is loved, safe and happy.