I'm in two minds about posting this - on the one hand, I'm stuck in my head about this, but on the other I'm ashamed and I'm sure many people would look down on me for admitting this.

I live a very (physically and mentally) unhealthy life, and one of the things people have suggested to clean up my act is to dedicate my life to helping people. I've had a lot of discussions with people that have been about how great it is to help people in need, and how if I don't want to live for myself, I should live in service of others.

I don't really enjoy helping people. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a psychopath, and I try to help people I care about, but when it comes to helping the wider public, I feel nothing. No satisfaction, no sense of accomplishment, no warmth, nothing. It's just tiring and boring. When people talk about living for others in that way, I just cannot see myself enjoying that. I hope I'm not a bad person, but I wouldn't blame anyone for thinking I am one. Maybe this will change with time, I don't know.