This was nearly 2 years ago. I was 17 going 18 at the time. I met this beautiful girl, im gonna call her Fel. Fel was a special coworker. She was gentle, she wasnt the kind of person to judge someone in any topics we could talk about. She was beautiful, her personnality was immaculate, that was my thoughts in the beginning of our friendship. We then added each other's number, chatted alot since we had nothing else to particularly do.

Fel became my bestfriend, we would tell each other everything about our lives, our past relationships, alot of deep talk, constantly. At the time i was pretty wealthy and was happy with myself and everything else, but not anymore. I found out in her chats/convos we had that Fel was someone with dark thoughts. I knew in my heart that she was really fragile, thats were my nightmare started.

She became more "confident" with telling me things, things she would've never tell me. By the time i changed jobs but still kept contact with her. As time went on me and Fel pretty much stopped talking to each other. But when she was seeing dark, she was texting me. I usually care about someone i know, so everytime she needed me, i was there.

This went on for a long time. 4 months to be exact. Telling me she had to see me when i had someone over, i went to her place. I was in a job interview and she was calling me non-stop, had to go to her place. I lost close ones too, i missed alot. I was constantly thinking about her, if she was doing good or not. Fel threatened me many times that she was going to end her life. I was always there for her, no matter what.

One day i had enough. She called me crying tears that she was actually going to do it. I had enough. So i mumbled "then do it". Right after that, i hung up. I didnt think much about it. Life went on and couple hours after i was getting nervous. I felt bad. So i texted her saying how im sorry. No answer. 2 hours later, still no answer. So i called her dad. I had his number in my phone. He took the call, which was weird cause no one is awake at 1:30 AM. So i told him about everything and asked if he could make sure Fel was okay. The rest is history.

I tried commiting alot and never succeeded cause my family was always there. I went to therapy and all of that shit. Am i the wrong one? Why did this happend? Why was i upset at that time? So many questions. The only thing i know is that i'll never care again as much as i cared for someone in my entire life.

I never said that to anyone else, because i was scared of being looked at. In the end i couldnt really do anything cause things happend, but i will never excuse myself for it.

Im so sorry Fel.