**TL;DR:**

Was going to ask a girl I loved out but finals came so decided to hold onto the thought till the finals were over. Turns out she started dating a mutual friend right before the finals and I don’t know what to do or think at this point.

**Story**

I’ve spent a fair share of my life abroad because my parents were divorced and my mother had to take care of both my sister and I while working fulltime. At one point we lived in a Middle Eastern country (which I won’t name for the sake of throwaway). I spent 5 years there being alone, outcasted nonstop because I suffered from ADHD and because I was a foreigner.

I returned to my home after 5 years. I thought me being bullied, outcasted and whatever the hell I’ve been through would end in my old home in a new high school but I was beyond wrong. Same shit with different actors, different venue. I was constantly being mocked, betrayed by “friends”, or attempted at manipulating (I am a kind person to many who don’t piss me off, and will do whatever I can to help those I like). This 9-10 year hell ended after me graduating from high school and entering a good uni in a major that was my plan C.

Now I am not a really social person. Me being an outcast, spending 98% of my time alone; mostly in my room behind my monitors listening to music, playing games or programming made me a bit if not more awkward than I usually was. Alongside this I have trust issues due to people whom I thought I could trust betraying me. But this kinda changed with me starting university since people were not judging me with what my past was (or is) or what I liked but for what I was. I joined 2-3 clubs, made a few proper friends. Felt a bit happy for the first time in a while.

I made 2-3 friend groups with my classmates. I get along with all 2-3 groups well and the people in them like me from what I can say; they listen to what I have to say, which is the most I had in a decade. In one of those groups there was a girl (Lets call her L) and I fell in love with her (love might be a bit exaggerated, but I don’t know the right word for it). I tried to get to know L better by trying to flirt (do note I have no experience regarding flirting and shit). We got along decently, chatting about stuff from food to politics (again, I suck at this), and found wehad a few if not more than I anticipated in common. We would chat occasionally IRL (as she was slow on replying instant messages etc).

We’d been chatting for 2-3 months and I was tired of all this dilly-dally flirting as I kinda sucked at it IMO. I was gonna ask her out a few weeks ago but our finals began and I decided to hold on to the question for the time being to not cause issues in finals week. This week the finals end so I recently asked L and our friend group (after a final we just took) if should we arrange a thing to do post-finals like a BBQ etc (With out friend group, since I am an anxious, socially awkward imbecile). They asked for a specific date and I spew out a date like monday. L said that B (a friend from our friend group) and she had plans that day and we should do it at friday. It raised some alerts on my end and I said sure and we’d talk more about it later on next week then. The ladies of the group decided to use the bathroom before we left the uni so as us men were waiting outside one of the guys of the group asked whats up with L and he on monday, to which B asked if we didn’t know L and he started dating just a week or so ago, prior to the finals. My heart fuckin **sank**. I just kept quiet and walked till we all went our ways.

Not knowing what to do or think I just decided to stay away from home till evening and occupy my head with other shit. Went to see a John Wick 3 as I’ve been waiting to see it for a while now. I couldn’t enjoy it as much as I wanted to because of this news. After the movie I just went back home, fed and walked my dogs and sat on my chair. Apparently I passed out and found myself sweating disastrously. After changing my clothes etc I noticed it was 12 am (I came back home at 5 pm) and I’ve been up since (its 7 am now) and I honestly don’t know what to do or think at this point.

I tried doing some work but couldn’t focus m. Tried watching Chernobyl mini-series but couldn’t focus. Tried listening to my songs but couldn’t listen to anything; because all of my songs didn’t feel “right”.

I just dont know what to do and what to think and and I don’t have anyone that I can trust to spill such thoughts as this as I never had someone I can trust with such sincere issues due to my troublesome past.