There are lots of talks abt 'be kind to others, give rather than receive' and that helping ppl will make one feel valuable or just being kind to others make you feel better...etc.

Now i'm not talking abt whether these ideas are very self-centered, selfish, narcissist...etc, but just in general: i don't feel any sense of satisfaction / happiness / gratitude after being kind to others.

I mean, it ranges from different things, like idk 'helping an old lady cross the street' sort to helping the community church fundraising to do good...etc. I genuinely see those acts / deeds as 'jobs', and i was just there to complete it. ppl said 'thank you, you're so kind' to me, and i smiled and thank them back, but truth be told, i really didn't feel anything. when they're thanking me, the appreciation did not bring me joy, did not make me more valuable or anything. i feel like i'm doing things just to fill up the time i had to live. so there's really nothing to be appreciative about.

and even if there is, i don't know WHY i should be kind to others. I'm not saying that i'm being an asshole to others, in fact most ppl know me would say i'm a kind / nice person, that i do no harm, and would voluntarily help out. but i really don't feel anything from doing this. i do a lot of volunteer work, and i genuinely want to help those projects, but i gotta say a part of doing it is that i want to feel happy and i thought it might bring me joy. but no it didn't.

what happened to the 'be a giver, and you'll be contributing to the world, and that you'll feel happy'? i really don't feel happy or joy. then why should i be kind to others? (but then again, i don't even have the strength to be 'bad' or harmful to others. it takes too much energy. )