And I'm only at CC but a lot of the students were smarter and able to catch onto the material quicker. The professor looked at me as if I were a sad puppy. The other people didn't take me seriously and most likely thought of me as a slacker that didn't have motivation to participate in class.

There was one girl that was very smart and knew a lot about biology that wasn't taught in class. Had one of the highest grades in class, teacher favored her. Our bio professor even approached her with an offer to assist her in scholarships to a good, well connected school. Admittedly my ego felt bruised. I don't know why because it's not like I tried hard enough. The longer I went to that class, the worse I'd feel. Bio was a constant reminder of my intelligence, lack of will power and it was a tough thing to admit out loud. Family gave me a false ounce of confidence. I gave my self a false sense of confidence but everyone on the outside knew my real self.

I tried to get an internship, had the credentials for bio but not the GPA (which is my own fault ) and couldn't enlist and get the undergrad experience.

Talking with professors and other people involved in my academic activities, always talked to me and treated me as if I'm remedial. For example , I remember telling a volunteer recruiter that I wanted to take the path as a pre med student. She looked at me and laughed- I never told anyone that to anyone.

I convinced me and everyone else that I left my major for good reasons by reading graduate experiences in Biology from online websites. They ranted about the pay, lack of job opportunities, harsh requirements, and going back to school for another degree just to get a decent job. In addition, anyone successful in biology had to graduate from a top or ivy league school, anything else would be waisting time. And because I didn't have the smarts or cred to get into schools like that , and because I wasn't good at creating connections, I dropped the bio dream.

So out of impulse, I switched my major to computer science. That was a huge mistake. I did something dumb and dishonest just to get a interview at a tech company for Java entry devs and made an ass of myself during the tech interview. The recruiting manager most likely knows the truth and can barely email me without the tone being unfriendly. To be truthful, I got desperate. I thought maybe I could fake it until I got in but I wasn't realistic. I needed to actually know a handsome amount of stuff to make it through (I knew this all along but took it as a challenge) . I wanted a job I could get paid for but also learn from ...


My original resume (before tweaking it) , got no offers. Jobs I did get came from shitty, overworked, low paying , messy employee jobs that happened to be for certain retail stores or restaurants. Employers most likey knew the position was shitty and simply gave open positions to anyone that breathed.

I'm a sophomore in my second semester year . I had been convinced to leave this current major (Cs) and go back to Biology but my gut feeling is that I wouldn't do any better anyway. Although I haven't done much in CS (little programming) I feel that I won't learn fast enough to compete or compare with upcoming graduates and juniors. There are students in the same year as me that are getting internships to "FANG" and equally renowned places. Those students are they people I'll have my resume compared to . Like always, I'm late to start and my grasp of things are poor. I wouldn't be able to do projects, find an okay job and do school all at once without doing something stupid , I don't trust myself tbh.

If I drop out, I wouldn't have anywhere to turn to. I live at home and I'm sure my mom would notice me not going to school. Job opportunities would get even worse than they are now (barely any job offers to no job offers). Trades, I'm not even sure I have any I would want to do or would be capable of doing.