It was great until it wasn't. In the beginning, he showered me with attention and affection. I thought I was this special person in his life, this person that was going to make a difference. And then suddenly, everything was my fault or I was overreacting. I became "boring" and needed to "compromise" with his schedule, but he didn't have to change.

He cycled in and out of my life after we split up. He created weird love triangles with me and other women. He said he always came back to me because he "cared about me" and I was a "source of positive influence" in his life. He said he wanted to be with me, but didn't want to hold me back, that I deserved someone better. But then he always came back.

I questioned if I was crazy, if I made up the things he did. I couldn't talk to anyone close to me about it because the mental/emotional abuse he put me through was in private. I tried to explain it a few times, but I sounded like a jumbled mess and people were just confused. My friends encouraged me to just "move on" and "get back out there" as if it were that easy.

One time he came back around and told me he was afraid of commitment because he had been cheated on by every girl he dated. But then he slept with someone else and lied about it while we were together. He made me feel like I made the whole thing up, like I overreacted. When he wasn't giving me attention or validation, I craved it like a drug. I knew it was wrong and I knew it would make me feel bad when the high was gone. But I needed the fix, I needed him to notice me; and that's what he wanted.

So I started seeing a therapist, because my whole life was consumed by him. I became miserable; if we weren't together or talking, I fixated on when we would again. And when we were together, he made me feel so bad I cried the second he walked out the door.

It's going to be a long run, it just sucks not being able to fully talk about it with the people I am close to.