So a few years ago I scored my absolute dream job. Imagine taking a hobby that you love to do and combine it with a form of art that you trained for. When tell people where I work, I'm typically met with some variation of "Holy shit, how'd you get that job." It really is that great.

Now this job is a in a big city two states away from where I live. My commute is 2.5 hours door-to-door each way. I work a 9 hour work day and I do this 5 days a week. I only do it because this dream job just doesn't pay enough to compensate for the significantly higher standard of living moving closer would bring. My last job that I quit to take this one paid about the same but I guess I mis-calculated that vast difference in cost and just how feasible moving closer might be. On top of this, my S.O. can't find work because no one wants to even look at an applicant that lives that far away even though the cover letter states that we're willing to move - so there's that obstacle as well. 2 years of applying and just as many years of rejection letters.

Between the commuting costs ($700+ /month) and just how much stuff costs (an apartment the size of my garage costs double my mortgage). I resorted to skipping lunch every day and started renting a room out in our home to a friend in the hopes of saving enough to move closer. The rent covers my commute but that's about it. The privacy I used to have before having a tennant feels like too much of a trade-off.

I'm always tired. I lost 40 lbs. My hobby is now my job so I don't even enjoy it much outside of work any longer My friends and family ask why I'm always cranky and never want to do anything. Who has time to do *anything* when you get about 2 hours a day to yourself to do *anything* not involving work or the commute. My weekends consist of me playing catch-up with the non-work BS of the week and just zoning out on the couch because I'm just so exhausted from 14 hour days.

I just mentally can't take it anymore and when I mention to anyone about maybe quitting, I'm met with "You can't do that. You have the greatest job you could ask for." Everyone gives the impression of I'd be the biggest idiot to quit regardless of how it makes me feel. So if I quit, I'm now an absolute loser. If I quit I let everyone down. Great.

Add to that I can't just go back to my old job anyway. So I'm pretty much f'd.

It's my bed. I made it. I'll lay in it, but I'd be lying that I didn't wish every night that I just don't wake up in the morning.

Just need to get this off of my chest.