This happened a few years ago at a bar when I was really drunk. My friend was throwing up in the men's room (he's a male, I'm not) and I was so worried about him that I walked into the men's room to check up on him.

As I was asking if he was ok, two men naturally walked in to use the bathroom. I apologized to them and explained why I (a female) was in the men's room and that I just needed to make sure he was ok. They walked out of the bathroom and shortly afterwards, a security guard walked in and told me to step out.

I stepped out of the bathroom while trying to explain why I was in the men's room at all. But the guard didn't listen and instead started telling at me that I shouldn't have been in the etc. I started yelling back so that he could hear me. I wanted him to understand that I was only in there to check on my friend, nothing more. It turns into us yelling at each other and other guards/bar workers jump in.

At this point I'm feeling attacked and infuriated, and as if I'm being teamed up on. All of them were men and it was just me trying to explain myself. It went from me trying to explain to them that I wasn't doing anything weird or crazy in the men's room, just checking on my friend because I was genuinely worried...to me becoming absolutely enraged.

I started yelling at them that they were just a bunch of fucking men and that of course only started listening to me once I've lost my shit because it's much easier to listen to a woman and disregard her once she's actually acting crazy, etc. I said things like "I hate men, fuck you assholes, all I was trying to do was look after my friend, now y'all fuckers want to listen, etc. etc"

At that point a guard came and grabbed me to physically move me outside and I said to him "fuck you too, you're just like the rest of them inside, fuck all men, I hate men, you n-word". I remember him laughing at me. He said something along the lines of his girlfriend being close by and that I wouldn't want him to call her. I responded with "call your fucking girl, my issue is with you and all those asshole men inside that weren't listening to me". I proceeded to punch a brick wall.

Even through all my rage and drunkenness, I knew I crossed a boundary but I wanted to deeply hurt him. Stab him with my words. Make him feel my anger. I wanted to hurt all of them.

That was the only time I've ever behaved that way or said those words to anyone. I think about him all the time and wish I could speak to him and apologize, but I have no idea what his name is, where to find him, or what he looks like.

I'm an immigrant from Latin America. I grew up with only Black and Latino kids with my best friends being mostly Black. I was discriminated against by White Americans, being told "to speak better English", among other things. My family didn't have enough money for a big part of my childhood, so all our clothes and food were provided by church and community donations.

I'm a product of an urban environment where kids were robbing cars in the 6th grade to go joy-riding and got placed into juvie on the regular. Our schools had metal detectors but people still managed to sneak weapons into the school (pistol-whipping others to rob them). Most of the books in the classroom were ripped or tagged with graffiti so there was never enough supplies in the classroom. Most of the kids were drunk or high during school days.

I can go on and on. The point is I know better and I knew better. It's probably one of the worst moments of my life.