I just can't deal with it. I hate having to give excuses every damn time. I fucking hate it. I just hate the feeling that I just can't do it. My lecturer is supposed to see me today, but I didn't go and see her. I thought that it was over, and I can postpone to see her next week. Nope. She emailed me asking to see me tomorrow. I fucking hate that I am too scared to see him. The last time we met, she had a disappointed look on his face even though I give everything I can for my project. Like, what if we met tomorrow and she thinks the reports wasn't good enough. My friend said that I should see her now and fix my mistakes. But I just can't deal with the fact that my report is not done the way she wanted and how my brain keep mocking me everytime we have a meeting.

'What are you doing?'

'You are just not good enough.'

'Look at her face. Clearly her face said how stupid can you be.'

' This is why you should stop procrastinating. But then, do you kid yourself? You don't even know where to start let alone make a progress for your reports.'

'You are just humiliating yourself.'

I don't know how anybody deal with this kind of feeling. I know there must be some resilient people out there, but I just cannot comprehend how they become like one.

And now, I have no idea whether or not I should just meet her next week or tomorrow.

I hate this. I'm such a coward. I wanna run somewhere. Please.

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