Okay, before I start off. Yes, I know I’m still young and I haven’t exactly “lived” yet. I just want to clarify that before people start bagging on me haha.

Growing up, I was actually very fond of school/ learning and such. But around when I was 14/15 I realized everything came easy. (I learned everything super fast, so I didn’t have to try as hard). My life eventually started going downhill from there though, I just started playing video games and stopped trying in school, since I didn’t find it interesting anymore.

Some time later, I got a job when I was 15. Eventually became a camera man for a local hockey team! I worked as a camera man for about 2 years! It came to an end as hockey season came to an end though (understandable). A few months after that, (17 now) I thought about and almost went through with suicide. (Doing much better now! Although the thoughts do come back sometimes). I didn’t really tell anyone at the time (except a trusted family member).

I started drinking alcohol (mikes, margaritas, corona, mainly.) thinking it would drive the thoughts away.
Now, Deep down, I’ve always been a party guy, I’ve always wanted to go to a club and get black out wasted and just enjoy the moment, it’s been a life long dream since I was around 14/15. I love music, and for some reason when I started drinking, I loved the way they both fit together.

It wasn’t until recently that I started hating on my self though, I’m over weight and introverted as hell, I don’t talk to people unless spoken too, and I just admire people from afar. It’s kinda ironic, I love partying, but I’m... well... me.

And that’s why I regret most of my teen years, I wish I grew up a “cool kid” I wish I drank, smoked, got litt and just lived life. Now, some people will say it’s a good thing I grew up not smoking or drinking until now (17), but honestly I hate it. Where did this life style get me? Being an over weight male that plays video games all day, that geeks out over technology, that doesn’t want to study because it’s boring, and wishes he could just have a big group of friends to drink with, party, go long boarding, parkour, go to 7/11 or the park at 1 in the morning, and just live without a care in the world, laughing and loving life.

Sometimes I just want to run away and start a new life somewhere else, like in a big city. My mind is full of regret, I just want to have fun, I don’t care about school, I don’t care about college anymore, I don’t care about consequences, I just want to have fun. I don’t care what I’m doing, I just want to have fun while I’m doing it. And having my own little night club, being drunk, partying with headphones on blasting music at 2 AM with my LED lights, is just doing it for me.

Well, that’s my rant, thank you for reading if anyone does read this. Sorry for terrible formatting, I’m typing this on mobile, that and I don’t post often lol. I haven’t really told anyone this complete story. Maybe parts here and there to my (used to be) therapist and best friend. Glad it’s off my chest now, I feel a little better :) Feel free to leave your thoughts down below!

TL:DR: I spent most of my teen years being a “goody 2 shoes” and regret not partying and living out my teen years to the max that I wanted to.