I'm in my late 20s. I thought I was over my ex but I see him with his now girlfriend at work and I realized I'm basically just where I started.

A year ago I found out my then-boyfriend had been cheating on me, and all my friends and colleagues knew for months and no one bothered to tell me.

I asked him about it too, and he denied it. I ran into them countless times before that, they would be going home together after school (we were all graduate students in the same University at the time.) He always said they were just really close friends, I was the one he loved and he would never date her

At the same time he wouldn't let me have male friends, he said I was putting myself in dangerous situations and inviting people. He said he knew how men were and I shouldn't be alone with them. This hurt me because before this I had a lot of close male friends. My then bf told me not to trust them. I was in this relationship for 2 years and he knew me better than anyone at this point, so out of respect for him and so he wouldn't need to worry I obliged.

When I found out he was cheating he said it was my fault for being paranoid and controlling, and he felt trapped because of me. At the same time I was floored because yes I was insecure about his friendship with this girl and I did keep pestering him about it. At the same time I never restricted him and said ok I trust you, do whatever makes you happy

Well it was her that made him happy

And then I was thrown away. After a while, he apologized to me and said he wanted to try again. Long story short I let him, but I was already wary and didn't trust him. This was a painful time. We were transitioning to work life as well after graduating. I had other things I was concerned with but I made time for him, gladly. But this came with a price. I was supposed to be available when he wanted me to be, and when I refused to do things with him that I didn't want to, he would drop me for days.

Basically I became his toy. Eventually I ended this, and he went back to the girl he left me for.

I feel stupid. I spent a year recovering from being treated this way, and I thought I was making progress, but whenever I accidentally run into them I remember everything. It was my fault for allowing him to treat me that way. I saw all the signs but trusted him regardless. I lost my friends because I was inconsolable. My work quality has taken a toll.

I'm not saying that this is a problem that's more important than others, but this is something that has severely taken a toll on my sense of being. I feel awful for being so weak.

I feel worthless. If only I was better. Beautiful and smart like his girlfriend. Emotionally stable. Confident. For never standing up for myself and trusting him, I deserved to be treated the way I did.

I'm weak. I've tried this whole year to build myself up but I'm just where I started. I just want to give up.