A week or so ago, while having fun with my friends I realized I probably wouldn't see them again after next year. I am going to another high school than them and they probably won't make any attempt to stay in contact and I am not planning on either, but I still feel a bit sad about it. They've been a part of my school-life for a long time and I cherish a lot the of memories I have made with them. Plus they've made a big impact on my humor and personality today.

It'll be weird coming to school and not seeing them there, or anyone else I know. I sometimes wonder if I should just go to the same high school as them, but I know that's a bad idea, as I don't want to hold myself back just because of my friends and believe no one should. (In most cases).

I'm happy that I am going to be going to a good high school, have lots of opportunities educationally but I worry about being able to make friends. I have become more confident over the years, (Thanks to my friends, one guy is a confident dude who basically lifts everyone else's self-esteem), but I can still be very awkward and I find it hard to really come out of my shell and meet new people. One part of me is very rational about this, I know it will be fine, I'll get to know some people, become friends, etc.

but another part of me feels like everything is going to come crashing down on me and I will be forever alone, fail everything and disappoint everyone. Everyone has kind of high hopes for me, seeing as my older siblings have all done really well academically and expect me to excel as well. I don't know if I can though, I don't feel as smart as them at all, I am horrible at Math and have never been able to understand it. I often confuse numbers and have trouble telling things like, 86 and 68 apart, reading Math problems aloud is a nightmare. I hope I pass everything and get at least a decent grade. I want to try hard and I want to get better, it's hard to have that consistent motivation though.

I just always seem to procrastinate the things I don't like to do, leading to no improvement and no matter how many tips and tricks people give me, I can't seem to figure it out. Then I feel like I am stupid and pity myself, then I feel bad for pitying myself, like I don't deserve to be able to pity myself because I have an opportunity to do it but I just won't take it because I am lazy. This started as a post about missing my friends, because I just felt like telling someone that I was going to miss them, because I will, but I seem to have made it all about myself. I feel like I make a lot of things about myself, like the world revolves around me. I know it doesn't. I'm going to end this now because, yeah.

Thanks for taking the time to read that.