it's been two months since two of my close friends ended my friendship at the same time. One of them I understand why they ended it. The other one was a bit petty and sad that it ended at the same. they both confronted me at the same time while I was still grieving over my dog who recently passed away a couple of weeks before that. On top of that, I didn't even know they had a problem with me at a time before they confronted me.

Friend 1: I came for her about a story that I thought was intended for me but really wasn't about me in front of a group chat with a really close friend where we all trusted each other. Which is my fault because I should have asked her personally.
Friend 2: I forgot that I gave her my phone to record for her interview for her internship and I used my find my phone app and it rang during her interview and according to her I didn't apologize which I thought I did and now it's too late and she won't let me apologize for it. This bothers me because I was nice to give her my phone, my teacher said that he would not give her a bad grade for not getting an internship because it was a simple mistake that I forgot that I gave my phone to her, and I did so many other nice things for her too out of my kindness.

I have apologized to both of them, but they did not really accept it ( friend one said it's whatever and she doesn't hate me, but I would have to build that friendship again, but when I try to it feels like she wasn't even trying and not talking to me. Friend two said she forgives me, but don't want to be friends anymore). I know I had to move on and people told me too and I have (or so I have thought so because why am I writing here.). However, sometimes I still think about them and all the memories that we just had and I think about what went wrong because it wasn't even a year ago where we had a good time spending time with each other. The last time I talked to them was on the day of my birthday (almost a month ago) and I just wrote them like a thank you for being my friend and I will cherish the memories that we had (like a goodbye letter) and they both thought I was having a pity party, but I was not. I really wish the best for both of them and I'm not mad at them. It's not like I hate them so much I wish they would die or something bad would happen to them. I still have them on social media (I don't know when I'm ready to remove them right now I just have their post and story on mute) and their phone number. In addition to that, It's hard to avoid them too due to a few things.

1. friend two has a lot of classes with me and I think she keeps on looking at me and when I look at her for a split second she looks away
2. I always see friend one in the hallways and everywhere I go, but I just try to avoid her too.
3. all of us have the same friends and it's just so odd to go up to the friends now and friend two is with them all the time. Now I would just let her be and try to avoid then group when she is there and when she is not there I hang out with the friend group, but it just feels different like I'm not close to them anymore (my friends know my situation and they agree with me that it is sad that this happened with friend 1 and 2 over a something small, but they are still friends with me and them. Which is whatever, but I can't control who they are friends with). Now I just hang out with a different group of friends who supported me throughout this situation but don't hang out with friends two that much.
4. If we are with a group of friends and when me or friend 2 ask a question to the group something sometime friend 2 or I would answer each other's question
5. I see them at lunch having a good time with my other friends and it makes me miss them so much.

This breakup feels like its changed me because I feel so lonely, but at the same time, I'm not alone because I do have some people with me. it feels like I'm more distant with some people now and I just don't feel the same. I would usually talk about random things with the two friends and two other close friends (we are still friends but distant now because of the other two people), play games, and give each other advice and motivate each other. Now that is gone. I've been writing this since 1:55 pm and at the end of the day as I finish writing this I feel better now writing all of my feelings out. If anyone is reading this far of the message thanks for hearing me out.