I don't want to drinks anymore. I'm just 18 and i have a job now, i'm living alone, i can't do this to myself anymore. I drink everyday, i crave that feeling of being fucking out of control and i can only talk to people and take things of my chest when i'm in that state but that comes along with feeling guilty and i can't stand feeling guilty, i want to be better, i want to be kind and i want to be calm but i feel like i'm drowning. Its fucking up my memory, i Cam never fully remember things i do or say. I'm a woman now, i'm not a child anymore but i feel fucking helpless.