I would like to start off by saying that I love my parents. This is not a bash on them, I truly and objectively am trying to figure out if they are the problem or if I am the problem.

I feel as though everything I do, I get cursed and yelled at. I try to pick up after myself, do my own laundry, buy my own food, I financially cannot afford rent so that is free for me currently and I am thankful for it. I understand that I could do certain things better around the house, but were human and we all make mistakes.

However with all that being said, I usually wake up in the morning to some "loud tone", if not yelling, about something along the lines of ..."These damn kids...(insert something not to the parental liking here)". I usually get yelled at for cooking breakfast, being told that, "I don\`t need to cook every day", and that "its not good for my weight". I\`m a bit overweight, so I understand the concern. I find myself trying to cook food for the week, for meal prepping purposes, when no one is home because I usually get the same criticism, but then after I have cooked there have been some occasions where everyone eats it all and I don\`t have enough for myself during the week. That\`s not a problem, its not like I go hungry, I just am off the diet I try to follow and out the cost of a healthy meal relative to my family's once a day hot dog and chips lifestyle. We live near a farm, and when the farmers spread manure on the field I am usually woken up very early in the morning (1-3am) being pretty heavily questioned If I let the dog poop in the house again, to which I try and calmly explain its probably the farmer as they flip on my bedroom lights and search around my bedroom floor. I recently have been staying quite, not because I am trying to teach them a lesson, I am just afraid to talk. I am afraid that if I open my mouth it will some how turn into me being yelled at for doing something wrong. I also dont feel like I have a relationship with them anymore obviously, and I just dont necessarily know what to say. I dont want them to know how my days been kind of deal. As I pick up more responsibilities and help around the house (little expected things like taking the garbage out), the complaints obviously remain but the topics change to the next thing they want me to help with to prove I am not lazy. This is a "seeing the bad and not the good" never ending psychological cycle that we all fall into as far as complaining, so I dont necessarily want to blame them for that either. Most people including myself also have this issue.

Today we had a little blow up at home. I woke up again to a similar situation described above, and I just kind of let them yell at me and remained silent. I don\`t see a point in arguing back, I guess I just think to myself this is the life I\`m currently in and ill try to do better next time. They don\`t like that I wont talk to them anymore, which I understand, but I legitimately do not know what to say and i\`m afraid. I tried to squeak out "I don\`t want to be yelled at" to which I was instantaneously double teamed with "Then start helping, and start cleaning up after yourself etc". Followed by a lecture from my dad about how at his job he doesnt "run away from his problems, and talking them out is being a man.". I dont know what came over me, I just started crying uncontrollably. I tried to leave and they blocked the door, so I shoved them out of the way and they yelled after me that my "loser friends wont be there for me like my family will be" on my way out the door (im assuming they didn\`t listen when I said I was going to Starbucks to get away for a bit, and instead some how thought I was going to hang out with my friends).

This is all coming from my perspective, I know that there are things that I don\`t see that i probably do, I am not naive. I mean is this me being immature? Am I running away from my problems? I\`m sorry this is only my perspective guys, do I need to mature up somehow?